by Lee Camp

They’re comin’ after us! The Fed - the Federal Reserve - is out to get us! (I know that sounds crazy, and I’m often the person backing away from someone at a party saying that exact sentence, but this time it’s true, and I’m not crazy, but I won’t fault you for backing away.)

Things right now are not so great. We’re still gettin’ over a pandemic. Healthcare costs are totally out of control. Everyone’s in debt and hates their job. There aren’t any insects around - which I feel like is a bad sign. And, on top of all that - the only time most Americans feel alive is when they get someone they’ve never met to tell them to go eat a bag of dicks in a comment thread under a video about how to make a delicious kale salad.

Point is – do you ever look around at how fucked up the world is and go, “Well, I hope the Federal Reserve makes things way worse?” Because that’s what they’re doing.

As reported in Common Dreams, “Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell said… that the U.S. central bank is ready to inflict ‘pain’ on households as it continues to fight inflation, remarks that drew widespread backlash from experts who warned the Fed appears poised to spark a devastating recession and mass layoffs.” ...And leaked conversations now reveal the real reasons.

By Lee Camp

Eleven million dollars a minute. That’s what we pay… and no I’m not talking about my bill at the Good Vibrations Sex Shoppe. (But I do appreciate when a sex shop spells it “shoppe.” You know, keep it classy. Make you feel like it was founded in the 1500s in England.) 

A report by the IMF shows we spend 11 million dollars a minute on big oil – But I’ll get back to that in a second. 

So we know we’re in a climate crisis now. (Hopefully you know that and if you don’t, then stop licking the bottom of the public pool. That’s not good for you.) Even Bloomberg News – the news of, by, and for people who like to kick the guy shining their shoes – even they admit “Much of the US Will Be an ‘Extreme Heat Belt’ by the 2050s.” “...in three decades, more than 100 million Americans will live in an ‘extreme heat belt’ where at least one day a year, the heat index temperature will exceed 125° Fahrenheit (52° Celsius)...” And, of course, many more days will be a completely unbearable – yet comparatively brisk – 100° Fahrenheit. It’s kinda like how being punched in the face is awful unless you’ve just been pounded in the balls. Then the face seems almost friendly.

by Lee Camp

Only 100 companies will sign humanity’s death sentence. That’s it. One hundred corporate boards filled with sociopaths. But I’ll get back to that in a moment.

Not long ago climate activists in New York City jammed up foot traffic on Wall Street with a die-in, covering themselves in fake blood and lying on the ground. Other activists in Washington, D.C., blocked intersections using a variety of tactics, gridlocking traffic and pissing off a lot of people. It seems clear that when it comes to our impending extinction, practically no one cares unless it means they have to sit in traffic for 10 extra minutes. Apparently there is nothing that upsets Americans more than being stuck in their car, moving at a negative MPH, completely unable to get to the jobs they fucking hate.

And that’s why those are the types of protests that matter — the ones that interrupt the flow of capitalism, not the colorful marches where we all show up for two hours while the politicians we’re ostensibly trying to influence go play golf. I’m not saying don’t get involved in the friendly marches — I’m just saying our rulers don’t care that you did. It’s like when you dress up your baby in a costume: I’m not saying you have to stop, but you’re only doing it for yourself. The ruling elite, like your baby, don’t actually care.

But since I aim to please, here’s a point for those of you who don’t give a shit about the climate crisis. The corporations that are screwing up your life, tainting your water, polluting your air, buying up your favorite coffee shop and turning it into a gas station, sucking your tax dollars up through subsidies, and all the while paying their employees a warm can of farts per hour—those corporations are the same ones creating the climate catastrophe.

In fact, The Guardian reported that just 100 companies are responsible for 71% of global greenhouse gas emissions. These include: